It’s time at last to announce this year’s most exciting new trend in winter sports. So, without further ado, let us introduce you to: Looking Good!
Yes folks, as we can read in the latest issue of Ski Press, the official journal of disturbing trends, celebrities and a host of people who may or may not ski are leading the trend by Looking Good at a ski mountain near you! At last, recognition for that marginalized majority of resort-goers who were out for a grueling day of primping, picking matching colors, and taking as many as four runs down a slope full of ugly people all in a single day. The arbiters of cool have spoken, and buying coats with a color pattern that matches the unique personal style of your favorite nationally distributed celebrity magazine is the new black.
Gone are the oppressive, played out themes of yesteryear like “Getting Outside,” “Just Having Fun,” and “Actually skiing.” Now those elitist “Excuse me, but you seem to be blocking the lift” jerks have nothing to say to you. “Back off, man,” you answer confidently, “we’re just trying to Look Good.” That will shut them up for sure, and make them take their outdated notions somewhere more appropriate than a ski resort. Losers.
So come on, jump on the bandwagon. All the cool kids are doing it and you wanna fit in, don’t you? Reliable, well-maintained equipment and correct technique aren’t going to do you any good if you don’t even have up-to-date bling-bling shiny farkle goggles and the season’s hottest color/style/brandname to Look Good in. Oh, and whatever you do, don’t forget that Type-R sticker to make your bases faster.
Your Ambassador to Cool,